Why do I blog?

I have been asking myself why do I spend the time to write entries when the Internet, magazine shelves, our libraries and bookstores, are already so filled with good writing. I acknowledge that the majority of my posts are only a few paragraphs long and rarely contribute anything worth anybody else's time.  That may be a reflection of how I read on the Internet : skimming. I rarely have enough concentration to be able to read an article which was intended for print. 

A first reason that comes to mind, for why I write in this vast expanse of information, is that blogging is an outlet. Sometimes, I want to write a short rant, at other times, I want to share information on how to do something. My how to articles are not the most detailed, which is ironic as I used to work as a technical writer. I should provide more images, point form details and overall less general information, which would instruct the readers directly on about the steps to be performed to achieve the end result.

With regard to this specific blog about relationships, I was looking to share my experiences. There isn't much that I can get out of it as the entries don't draw in comments. Were I to use a more common platform, such as Yahoo Answers, there would be more dialogue, and of course a better understanding of myself through the words of others. Proofreading is definitely something that I must work on. In fact, I cannot remember a high school class where we were taught how to proofread. It is something incredibly difficult as we tend to skip words that we hear ourselves speak, or be so critical that nothing at all gets written.

Being personal in a blog isn't obvious. I don't want to use my real name, nor do I want to put up a photo of myself. I may not have any self-esteem, and am well aware of any efforts of self-improvement, whatever that may mean, is going to do little to change who I am. What a great realisation which makes me understand why I am eternally single.

My blogging should come to an end. I should go out and meet people in more in more conventional ways. Okay, I'll try to do both.

Spinning - on what, in or out of control - a tale of the nation and companionship

As I make my way through the first season of Borgen, a Danish political drama on TVO.org, there was an bizarre  sense of familiarity to some past life experiences. One having to do with my affinity to politics and "radical" groups, another related to relationships as I had mentioned in a previous post.

The Birgitte's spin doctor, Kasper, is being somewhat of a jerk, actually a total jerk, towards the journalist Katrine since he's known that she is involved with someone else. That individual happens to be her spinning, cycling without going anywhere, instructor. Not a terribly intelligent coincidence, but one that does bring up the nature of communication and in some instances, the lack of it. The relationship between Katrine and her instructor falls apart as she gets angry with him for his lack of awareness of current events, in particular a story that she is covering. I felt some guilt seeing that scenario as I lacked empathy, or passed judgment, to a person who told me that she has no interest in the news.

It also made me wonder about the person who I really liked, who had a strong sense of interest in current events, may have developed an interest in someone who is more visceral, a physical man, rather than the cowering "nice guy" I tend to be. Kasper disgusts and inspires me. Disrespectful, yet assertiveness and confidence are a few of the traits that define the man. His persistence is one of a coward, but also reflective of someone who does not accept defeat. With regard to regaining the attention of Katrine, time is my only guess will tell.

At this moment, like I have been since last month, struggle between attempting to re-initiating contact with the one who left me in silence, and nothing more than a sense of total failure. There is nothing to be forgiven, it is just silence, yet one, for which I understood, that not having any time for me means having no interest.

Deal Breakers - the incomplete list

Characteristics of a Man which are Deal Breakers for a Woman	Characteristics of a Woman for that are deal breakers for a Man
Unemployed	Overweight
Short	Has children
Poor career prospects	Wants a lot of children
Stinks of cologne	Vain and puts on way too much make-up
Insecure	Owns a cat
Doesn't know what he wants	Too independent
No fashion sense	No fashion sense
Obsessive sports fan	Is into entertainment news
Right wing conservative politics	Oblivious to politics
Poor communicator	Poor communicator
Plays video games	Obsessed with dieting
Smokes	Smokes
Poor hygiene	Smells a lot like the gym

When to Unmatch on Tinder - Should I trust the 'Last active' status?

I find conversation through text/SMS or chat on a phone frustratingly unpleasant. In fact, the earlier I can meet somebody, the better. However, I do make some efforts to get to know somebody a little before suggesting that we meet for coffee.

What I do not like about Tinder is the privacy : the 'Last active' status. What it really means isn't that clear : a swipe or a conversation. I do look at the last time the person was active. It lets me know whether or the person has read my last message.

Here are the reasons I unmatch in Tinder :

• Not a good match, really. She doesn't seem to be healthy, has many 'not this or that' in her profile. 
• No response to my initiated 'witty' message message after a few days. If she didn't respond, it is clear to me that she has no interest. What I fail to understand is that it seems like it is only the men who have to initiate messaging! 
• Conversation is almost monotone - I write questions and provide answers. If she responds with 'Yeah,' 'No,' 'I see,' etc. It is a hint that it won't go anywhere, but I can't be the only one speaking.
• No response after I provide answers to her questions 'How tall are you? What do you do?' 'How much do you make?' The latter was never asked, but the question before that suggests that. In the end, no reply after some time, not interest : unmatch.
• A person being critical or even angry in tone. I know that texting is an awful medium for expressing ideas or sentiments, but you sometimes get a hunch that the other is aggressive, defensive, oblique, etc. I am patient, but cannot expect things to go well if the conversation isn't fun.

Knowing what you want

I have seen and heard it a number of times : somebody who knows what (s)he wants. I, for one, have been told that it is clear that I have no idea what I want. There isn't a single way that I could disagree with that.

Over the years, I have lived in different cities, countries, and learnt the local languages, worked at various unrelated jobs, and am still aware that I know nothing about this world. I take that back. I develop visceral reactions against corruption, police brutality, social, economic and environmental policies which fail to meet scientific rigour, sexist, racist or homophobic expressions or behaviour. Feelings or positions do not qualify as a form of knowledge other than an acknowledgement of my own person. Yet, what does that say about myself? Should it help me know what I want?

In a nutshell, this is what I do want:

• World peace;
• People no longer living in fear or danger due to human causes;
• Fair treatment of individuals regardless of gender, ethnicity, language, age, etc.;
• Clean air, water, land, cities and skies;
• Someone to challenge my world views. 

How would that be possible in a relationship? The last of the list could be most possible, however, I clearly recall having lost interest in someone who was islamophobic and homophobic.

Then there are the practical things: house, children, retirement vacations etc. I could say that I rather meet someone who is healthy rather than wealthy,  has a vision for change and or conserving traditions which encourage social equality.

How a man ends up with matches on Tinder

I am guilty about this. I discern somewhat when using Tinder, but not much.

This video, which I find to be somewhat disgusting, is a good idea of what it is like for a man to use Tinder: right, right, right, etc. It is thus understandable why there is a limited number of swipes per time period. In order to improve your chances of meeting or chatting with somebody, swiping right to everybody is giving the women to decide. I have the feeling that there are some women who do the same, as I have been on and off Tinder with new or reset accounts, and found myself with the same matches.

Why swipe right on not so attractive or beautiful women?

• Some people are not photogenic
• I don't know the person, she may be fun interesting and become attractive
• Beauty is overrated

When do I swipe left?

• I am paying attention and look, can't imagine embracing the woman
• The woman doesn't look healthy - smokes, skin, impossible age for appearance
• Sports fan
• Children ( well sometimes, I swipe right - as long as she looks happy )