Deal Breakers - the incomplete list

Characteristics of a Man which are Deal Breakers for a Woman	Characteristics of a Woman for that are deal breakers for a Man
Unemployed	Overweight
Short	Has children
Poor career prospects	Wants a lot of children
Stinks of cologne	Vain and puts on way too much make-up
Insecure	Owns a cat
Doesn't know what he wants	Too independent
No fashion sense	No fashion sense
Obsessive sports fan	Is into entertainment news
Right wing conservative politics	Oblivious to politics
Poor communicator	Poor communicator
Plays video games	Obsessed with dieting
Smokes	Smokes
Poor hygiene	Smells a lot like the gym

When to Unmatch on Tinder - Should I trust the 'Last active' status?

I find conversation through text/SMS or chat on a phone frustratingly unpleasant. In fact, the earlier I can meet somebody, the better. However, I do make some efforts to get to know somebody a little before suggesting that we meet for coffee.

What I do not like about Tinder is the privacy : the 'Last active' status. What it really means isn't that clear : a swipe or a conversation. I do look at the last time the person was active. It lets me know whether or the person has read my last message.

Here are the reasons I unmatch in Tinder :

• Not a good match, really. She doesn't seem to be healthy, has many 'not this or that' in her profile. 
• No response to my initiated 'witty' message message after a few days. If she didn't respond, it is clear to me that she has no interest. What I fail to understand is that it seems like it is only the men who have to initiate messaging! 
• Conversation is almost monotone - I write questions and provide answers. If she responds with 'Yeah,' 'No,' 'I see,' etc. It is a hint that it won't go anywhere, but I can't be the only one speaking.
• No response after I provide answers to her questions 'How tall are you? What do you do?' 'How much do you make?' The latter was never asked, but the question before that suggests that. In the end, no reply after some time, not interest : unmatch.
• A person being critical or even angry in tone. I know that texting is an awful medium for expressing ideas or sentiments, but you sometimes get a hunch that the other is aggressive, defensive, oblique, etc. I am patient, but cannot expect things to go well if the conversation isn't fun.

Knowing what you want

I have seen and heard it a number of times : somebody who knows what (s)he wants. I, for one, have been told that it is clear that I have no idea what I want. There isn't a single way that I could disagree with that.

Over the years, I have lived in different cities, countries, and learnt the local languages, worked at various unrelated jobs, and am still aware that I know nothing about this world. I take that back. I develop visceral reactions against corruption, police brutality, social, economic and environmental policies which fail to meet scientific rigour, sexist, racist or homophobic expressions or behaviour. Feelings or positions do not qualify as a form of knowledge other than an acknowledgement of my own person. Yet, what does that say about myself? Should it help me know what I want?

In a nutshell, this is what I do want:

• World peace;
• People no longer living in fear or danger due to human causes;
• Fair treatment of individuals regardless of gender, ethnicity, language, age, etc.;
• Clean air, water, land, cities and skies;
• Someone to challenge my world views. 

How would that be possible in a relationship? The last of the list could be most possible, however, I clearly recall having lost interest in someone who was islamophobic and homophobic.

Then there are the practical things: house, children, retirement vacations etc. I could say that I rather meet someone who is healthy rather than wealthy,  has a vision for change and or conserving traditions which encourage social equality.

How a man ends up with matches on Tinder

I am guilty about this. I discern somewhat when using Tinder, but not much.

This video, which I find to be somewhat disgusting, is a good idea of what it is like for a man to use Tinder: right, right, right, etc. It is thus understandable why there is a limited number of swipes per time period. In order to improve your chances of meeting or chatting with somebody, swiping right to everybody is giving the women to decide. I have the feeling that there are some women who do the same, as I have been on and off Tinder with new or reset accounts, and found myself with the same matches.

Why swipe right on not so attractive or beautiful women?

• Some people are not photogenic
• I don't know the person, she may be fun interesting and become attractive
• Beauty is overrated

When do I swipe left?

• I am paying attention and look, can't imagine embracing the woman
• The woman doesn't look healthy - smokes, skin, impossible age for appearance
• Sports fan
• Children ( well sometimes, I swipe right - as long as she looks happy )