Trying my best to move on from dejection by being silently declined by someone who I really liked, I reinstalled Tinder on my old BlackBerry Playbook (using a BAR file apk2bar.org) and trying chatting with some women. I cannot count how many times I have created and deleted my account. Each time I have been changing my photos, blurb and even my name.
Initial message conversation with this woman was fun. She seemed quirky enough to be genuine. We met up later in the week at a concert where some of her friends were playing. A concert is a loud enough of a venue where conversation can be impeded, so it wouldn't have been my first choice. However, being able to compromise, and make things work, is what I do. I hope that won't be the cause of my undoing. Being completely unaccomplished, being undone is the least of my concerns.
Cut to the chase : lifestyle - smoking, drinking and not so green or colourful taste in food is a deal breaker. I may sound like a jerk, but I could even imagine myself embracing someone who carries an odor that I turns me off. I know that I don't smell or taste like raspberries and chocolate, nor like mint and basil, but I am physically active, have a vegetable based diet, and have no more than 3 drinks a week. Call me boring, but that is who I am.
The following day, I sent a hello message, saying it was fun, to the woman that I met back through the Tinder application. She replied, and I back to her. I heard nothing back and assumed it was mutual sentiment that it wouldn't work out. The next day, I deleted my account. I sent her my number earlier, if she didn't jot it down, I hope that I should hold myself responsible for having ghosted her!
Links:
http://www.news.com.au/technology/science/research-discovers-dating-someone-who-works-out-makes-you-healthier/story-fnpjxnqt-1227304811584
http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-differences-in-behaviour-and-lifestyle-between-a-fitness-freak-girl-and-a-normal-girl
http://www.mensfitness.com/life/10-habits-youll-pay-10-years/slide/all
Never having been in a serious relationship, I struggle to understand the excitement of trying to meet somebody. Fitting in with society means that I should be with somebody, but I have yet to know myself. Bear with me throughout this adventure.
Monday, June 29, 2015
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Am I a jerk because I refuse to take a hint? Being Ghosted.
A hint, eh? Why not say intimation? Dating is a great world of discovery, hope, ambiguity, trust and mistrust - including oneself, and sometimes frustration. Well too advanced in life, but little experience in relationships, I feel there is no harm in sharing this experience and hopefully learning what you may have to say.
Over the past 6 months, I was getting to know somebody. We had chatted on a few occasions some months earlier, but she broke off the communication by silence. Hearing her given name on the radio, on a story that would have interested and concerned her, I wrote her a brief e-mail asking her opinion. I was surprised that I had not erased it along with her phone number, in reaction to the silence. She immediately responded and asked who I was. We talked shortly thereafter. We exchanged our experiences of unsuccessful relationships over the time we hadn't communicated.
The next week, we met for coffee and communicated on occasion for the next couple months. The dates were pleasant enough, movie, dinner, a walk. She travelled quite a bit for work, family and for leisure. I was somewhat okay with the distance. Maybe it was personal test of my chivalry.
At the onset, I had strangely learnt, in more less direct words, that it is up to me to initiate texting or conversation. That made me somewhat uncomfortable, as I made a previous relationship being rather short lived, by my need to communicate, but acknowledging my flaws and hoping to meet someone who can make things work, accepted the "terms".
As a side note, I was really happy to get to know her as I felt that she is a really good person : open minded, good politics, patient, funny, witty, kind and confident. Writing those words, makes her seem unreal, but I really liked her, or at least how I thought I knew her. Who wants to settle for someone who isn't ideal? Then again, I live with myself, but that another question.
We hung out once before she took off for a few weeks. There was increased proximity, but no intimacy, however we were certainly getting to know each other. I wished her to have a good time and offered to give her a ride upon her return. Once back in the country, she was chatty over text from the airport. I was avoiding waking her with texts, or an invite to do something as soon as she was back, so just checked in a day and some later. I asked mid-week if she would be up to doing something on the weekend, and she apologized to say that she had already made plans. I acknowledged and understood, but was nonetheless miffed.
At the end of the weekend, without denying my sincere interest, or playing games, I asked how she was doing, given she was recovering from jetlag. Then I got into radio silence, no text or e-mail, for a few days... It wasn't good at all. (Hint number 1?) I wrote again few days later, suggesting that the nice weather may be suitable for us make some plans. Nothing. Nearing the end of the week, I called and left a message. Life happens, she could not be doing well, met somebody else, not that that I was ever considering that possibility. She sent me a text later that evening saying that she has plans for the day I suggested. A few brief exchanges and I wished her a good night. No response. Strange, but not really comforting. I sent her a message of good luck for the event and didn't hear anything back. Not good. Really not good. (Hint number 2)
This is where I am convinced that I am an asshole/jerk/idiot : the following week, I was dressed quite well for a job interview and in her part of town, I wrote to her a text midday suggesting that we go out that evening. She replied saying that she already has plans and made no suggestion that hang out at a later time. I, in turn replied, after some thought, with saying it was okay, and hoping that she has a good evening. Unsurprisingly, she didn't reciprocate the message. (Hint number 3)
Playing dumb, or refusing to take a hint, triggers in me a feeling of guilt as I know she may be upset with herself that hasn't told me that she doesn't want to spend time with me. Not accepting something, that is more less obvious, isn't a healthy activity.
The better part of me know that there is nothing wrong with giving up. Another part of me knows that people who give up never succeed. Unlike a designed project, relationships are the stuff of people: ethical considerations cannot be ignored.
Links :
Links :
On Radio Silence : http://collegecandy.com/2011/07/13/ask-a-dude-why-do-guys-show-interest-then-bail/
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