A hint, eh? Why not say intimation? Dating is a great world of discovery, hope, ambiguity, trust and mistrust - including oneself, and sometimes frustration. Well too advanced in life, but little experience in relationships, I feel there is no harm in sharing this experience and hopefully learning what you may have to say.
Over the past 6 months, I was getting to know somebody. We had chatted on a few occasions some months earlier, but she broke off the communication by silence. Hearing her given name on the radio, on a story that would have interested and concerned her, I wrote her a brief e-mail asking her opinion. I was surprised that I had not erased it along with her phone number, in reaction to the silence. She immediately responded and asked who I was. We talked shortly thereafter. We exchanged our experiences of unsuccessful relationships over the time we hadn't communicated.
The next week, we met for coffee and communicated on occasion for the next couple months. The dates were pleasant enough, movie, dinner, a walk. She travelled quite a bit for work, family and for leisure. I was somewhat okay with the distance. Maybe it was personal test of my chivalry.
At the onset, I had strangely learnt, in more less direct words, that it is up to me to initiate texting or conversation. That made me somewhat uncomfortable, as I made a previous relationship being rather short lived, by my need to communicate, but acknowledging my flaws and hoping to meet someone who can make things work, accepted the "terms".
As a side note, I was really happy to get to know her as I felt that she is a really good person : open minded, good politics, patient, funny, witty, kind and confident. Writing those words, makes her seem unreal, but I really liked her, or at least how I thought I knew her. Who wants to settle for someone who isn't ideal? Then again, I live with myself, but that another question.
We hung out once before she took off for a few weeks. There was increased proximity, but no intimacy, however we were certainly getting to know each other. I wished her to have a good time and offered to give her a ride upon her return. Once back in the country, she was chatty over text from the airport. I was avoiding waking her with texts, or an invite to do something as soon as she was back, so just checked in a day and some later. I asked mid-week if she would be up to doing something on the weekend, and she apologized to say that she had already made plans. I acknowledged and understood, but was nonetheless miffed.
At the end of the weekend, without denying my sincere interest, or playing games, I asked how she was doing, given she was recovering from jetlag. Then I got into radio silence, no text or e-mail, for a few days... It wasn't good at all. (Hint number 1?) I wrote again few days later, suggesting that the nice weather may be suitable for us make some plans. Nothing. Nearing the end of the week, I called and left a message. Life happens, she could not be doing well, met somebody else, not that that I was ever considering that possibility. She sent me a text later that evening saying that she has plans for the day I suggested. A few brief exchanges and I wished her a good night. No response. Strange, but not really comforting. I sent her a message of good luck for the event and didn't hear anything back. Not good. Really not good. (Hint number 2)
This is where I am convinced that I am an asshole/jerk/idiot : the following week, I was dressed quite well for a job interview and in her part of town, I wrote to her a text midday suggesting that we go out that evening. She replied saying that she already has plans and made no suggestion that hang out at a later time. I, in turn replied, after some thought, with saying it was okay, and hoping that she has a good evening. Unsurprisingly, she didn't reciprocate the message. (Hint number 3)
Playing dumb, or refusing to take a hint, triggers in me a feeling of guilt as I know she may be upset with herself that hasn't told me that she doesn't want to spend time with me. Not accepting something, that is more less obvious, isn't a healthy activity.
The better part of me know that there is nothing wrong with giving up. Another part of me knows that people who give up never succeed. Unlike a designed project, relationships are the stuff of people: ethical considerations cannot be ignored.
Links :
Links :
On Radio Silence : http://collegecandy.com/2011/07/13/ask-a-dude-why-do-guys-show-interest-then-bail/
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